Math Jokes
*I warn you these
jokes are "corny"*
**
Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some
of their functions.**
**
A
math classroom sign read, "Mathematics
dispensed here, bring your own**
container."
**
Why was
the math student's exam wet when the teacher returned it?**
.... (because it was below C-level)
**
Why did the student eat his math
exam?**
.... (because the teacher said that it was "a piece of
cake")
**
Trigonometry for farmers: swine and
coswine.**
**
How do you make seven even? .... (take away the
"s")**
**
Two's company, and three's a crowd, but what is
four and five? .... (nine)**
**
What would a math student say to a fat
parrot? .... (poly-no-mial)**
**
What would you say if someone's parrot had
died? .... (poly-gon)**
**
What would you say if someone took your playing
cards? .... (dec-a-gon)**
**
What kind of insect is good at math? .... (an
account-ant)**
**
Why do lumberjacks make good musicians?
.... (because of their natural log-a-rithms)**
**
What did Noah build? .... (an arc)**
**
How do kids like their ice cream
served? .... (cone)**
**
What do you call a sunburned man? .... (a tan-gent)**
**
What does a bloodhound do when chasing a
woman? .... (cent-er)**
**
What do you call a person who writes for an
inn? .... (in-scribe)**
**
What does an acorn say when he grows
up? .... (ge-om-e-try)**
**
What do you call a politically correct
angle? .... (right)**
**
What do you call a stubborn angle? .... (obtuse)**
**
What do you call a pretty angle? .... (a-cute)**
**
What do you do with yarn and a needle? .... (u-nit)**
**
What do you do if you are outside during a
thunderstorm? .... (co-incide)**
**
What does a lumberjack do to trees? .... (axi-oms)**
**
How do high schools schedule students for gym
class? .... (bi-sects)**
**
What does a dentist scrape from your
teeth? .... (calculus)**
**
What are eyeglasses good for? .... (di-vision)**
**
What do clowns do after April 30th?
.... (ma-trix)**
**
What do mathematicians sleep on? .... (ma-trices)**
**
What does a bull add with? .... (a cow-cu-lator)**
**
What would you call someone who counts their
fingers? .... (a digit-al computer)**
**
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a
jack-o-lantern by**
its' diameter? .... (pumpkin "pi")
**
What do you get when you add 50 female pigs and 50
male deer?**
.... (100 sows 'an bucks....$100,000)
**
What does a mathematician call the occupied restroom
on an airplane?**
.... (A hy-pot-en-use)
**
When a student asked her grandmother for help
"finding the least common**
denominator" the grandmother replied, "You mean
they haven't found that yet.
They were looking for it when
I was in school."
**
A father, angry because his teenage daughter had
missed her curfew, told**
the teenager, "I told you to be home by a quarter of twelve!" The girl responded,
"But my math teacher said
that ¼ of 12 is 3."
**
Calculus students are sometimes clueless.
They think that General Calculus was**
a war hero. If he did actually exist he
probably knew how to "integrate"
his troops and
"differentiate" between his allies and his enemies.
**Fly away if you must.**
The views
and opinions expressed in this page are strictly those of Mary Lou Baker.
The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by Columbia
State Community College. This page was edited on
02-Sep-2010 |