Math Jokes

I warn you these jokes are "corny"

  A classroom sign once read, "Mathematics dispensed here, bring your own
    container."

  Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some of their functions.

  Trigonometry for farmers:   swine and coswine.

  How do you make seven even? .... (take away the "s")

  Two's company, and three's a crowd, but what is four and five? .... (nine)

  What would a math student say to a fat parrot? .... (poly-no-mial)

 What would you say if someone's parrot had died? .... (poly-gon)

 What would you say if someone took your playing cards? .... (dec-a-gon)

 What kind of insect is good at math? .... (an account-ant)

 Why do lumberjacks make good musicians?

     .... (because of their natural log-a-rithms)

 What did Noah build? .... (an arc)

 How do kids like their ice cream served? .... (cone)

 What do you call a sunburned man? .... (a tan-gent)

 What does a bloodhound do when chasing a woman? .... (cent-er)

 What do you call a person who writes for an inn? .... (in-scribe)

 What does an acorn say when he grows up? .... (ge-om-e-try)

 What do you call a politically correct angle? .... (right)

 What do you call a stubborn angle? .... (obtuse)

 What do you call a pretty angle? .... (a-cute)

 What do you do with yarn and a needle? .... (u-nit)

 What do you do if you are outside during a thunderstorm? .... (co-incide)

 What does a lumberjack do to trees? .... (axi-oms)

 How do high schools schedule students for gym class? .... (bi-sects)

 What does a dentist scrape from your teeth? .... (calculus)

  What are eyeglasses good for? .... (di-vision)

  What do clowns do after April 30th? .... (ma-trix)

  What do mathematicians sleep on? .... (ma-trices)

  What does a bull add with? .... (a cow-cu-lator)

  What would you call someone who counts their fingers? .... (a digit-al computer)

  Why did the student eat his math test?
     .... (because the teacher said that it was "a piece of cake")

  What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by
     its' diameter? .... (pumpkin "pi")

  What do you get when you add 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
     .... (100 sows 'an bucks....$100,000)

  What does a mathematician call the occupied restroom on an airplane?
     .... (A hy-pot-en-use)

  When a student asked her grandmother for help "finding the least common
    denominator" the grandmother replied, "You mean they haven't found that yet.
    They were looking for it when I was in school."

  A father, angry because his teenage daughter had missed her curfew, told
    the teenager, "I told you to be home by a quarter of twelve!"  The girl responded,
    "But my math teacher said that ¼ of 12 is 3."

  Calculus students are sometimes clueless.  They think that General Calculus was
    a war hero.  If he did actually exist he probably knew how to "integrate"
    his troops and "differentiate" between his allies and his enemies.

   Fly away if you must.

The views and opinions expressed in this page are strictly those of Mary Lou Baker.
The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by Columbia State Community College.

This page was edited on 01-Oct-2007